I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When did angry sex become our thing?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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