But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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