I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
