ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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