well you can't waste a boner
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
