No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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