I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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