I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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