I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
