Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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