He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
