Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
