im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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