I faked an abortion last night.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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