so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
