Whod you bang
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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