sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
