i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
