so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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