New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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