I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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