idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
