I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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