all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this is an emotional support booty call
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
