Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
