I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
