the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
