Will you blow on my dice?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
