I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
