At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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