Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just threw up on my dentist
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
