Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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