my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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