I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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