I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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