I faked an abortion last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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