My hand turned me down
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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