We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
