i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
