Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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