I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
