I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
