just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
