I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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