I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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