omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
