I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
