I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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