please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
