ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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