Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
