I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
