ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
