Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
